I had an eye exam today. I don’t need bifocals … yet. Next year, definitely is what the doctor said. She said I could get them now, or stick with single vision, until next year. 38 – 45 is when most people need bifocals. I’m just a few months from 45 which is exactly mid-life to me (would love to get to 90) and there have been so many little things hitting me. Pandora is advertising plastic surgeons. Pounds don’t want to leave. There are weird, older women things going on with my body that I won’t get into. And my mind wanders to what could have been or where do I want to be.
The last few years I’ve half joked about not knowing what I want to be when I grow up. My day job pays the bills and I haven’t found that thing that I’m just so “passionate” about that I can make money doing it. I enjoy writing but right now I just feel like a soft voice in a sea of noise that is HR or wine bloggers (could my niche become pairing wine with various HR related topics — which wine to serve after training staff on sexual harassment?)
I have half hearted plans to go to law school or for a wine bar or a Beachbody-Nutella gym where each workout tells you which Nutella-treat you have earned. Where is my passion???
Here’s the thing, I don’t know. And even if I did, the things I’m passionate about aren’t really things that I have enough knowledge or patience to learn about. Maybe I don’t have “what it takes” to go beyond my career and current hobbies. And maybe that’s okay. Not everyone is up for the risks of entrepreneurship. Some of us have to have the day jobs that provide nice benefits with time off to take nice vacations and raise good kids.
What I do want to come from this mid-life crisis is to try to help my girls find what they are passionate about and maybe build some of that into their own careers. I spent a lot of time growing up listening to what others thought I should be (which is why law school is back in my mind) “proper” jobs (not careers) for a lady (dodged a bullet with that boyfriend!!)
So as I start looking at the 2nd half of my life, I want to look at this in a different light. What do I want my girls to remember about their mom? That’s what I should be striving for. That’s the legacy that needs to come from this “crisis.”